Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Life Goes On

Well hopefully this will be the last post I do on bad family crap and we can all get on to enjoying life with out turmoil. This all started after my father passed away and Karl wanted the medals. Well he got them and I hope some day he will be able to enjoy them especially after everything that has happened since. For years I looked up to my big brother and and although we had our differences we had a very close bond. I like to think I did as much for him over the years as he did for me. He has 3 beautiful daughters that I loved almost as if they were my own. They have this family connection and if your in the circle all is good but if your ousted by 1 your shunned by all.

Over the years I've seen a dark side to Karl and the way he thinks. If he wants something don't get in his way or if you tick him off watch out. I have seen many many things that a good person would never do. If a friend did just one of the many things he has done I would not be their friend any more. I have grown to look down on him way more than I have ever looked up to him.

There have been emails from him reply s from me, emails from him non reply from me, then emails from the girls reply s from me. There have been things done and said on both sides that shouldn't have been by people who love each other.

Recently I got a letter from the Karl that I've grown to dislike. It said many things about me that are his opinion and because he thinks of himself before anyone else and thinks like a person that is always scheming to get his way, what can he get out of it and he can't help it so he thinks everyone thinks like that. He has his opinions.

I wrote back and I'm not really proud of everything I said and they are my opinion but I was once in the inner circle as close as you can get to him. Everything I said I believe.

My father in my eyes was a great person. He liked to help others and not to get something out of it for himself. He had many good friends that would do the same for him.

In the last year of my fathers life I got more out of it than medals on my wall could ever do. We became as close as we had ever been. We had a lot of time together just the two of us and we got to talk and laugh. We watched football games together and one time he asked Jean to get us some Wendy's burgers because it was Wendy's friday night football and their commercials are at every break. Now dad wasn't eating at the time but Jean jumped in the car and went and got us burgers. Jean knew he wouldn't eat it but he really felt like he wanted one. He took one small bite then ended up handing it to me. His last outing in the car other than to the Drs we drove around and looked at all the places he had lived including the house where he was born and Brittannia Ave. Then we ended up at hutches and had fish and chips looking at lake Ontario. As dad got worse I did more and more for him and I know he appreciated it. When I would help him out with something he would call me over and take my face in his hands and tap me lightly on the cheek and say thanks. When he fell I made up a story on my blog that we were racing to break it gently to everyone that read it and by the time they got to they end they might be laughing knowing that he was ok. Dad got a big kick out of it when I told him. As dad got worse I was there sleeping in the bed beside him listening to him breath, helping him in and out of his wheel chair and helping him with anything he needed in his hospital bed. Even if other family members were there he would ask for me and sometimes he couldn't remember my name but he had come to trust me because I was there for him. His last night I had a strange feeling and when the nurse called going to be late I told her that I would stay with him but she showed up so I went downstairs. In the morning when I saw him I knew it wasn't good so I called Terry to come over sooner. When dad took his last breath I was there along with Mandy Terry and Robert. I made the calls that had to be made and I was with his Dr when he pronounced dad gone. I stood and watch them load dad onto a bed and take him out to the hearse and Rob and I watched them drive off.

So at the funeral home when I had my panic attack it wasn't because some asshole cousin named Joe didn't shake my hand. Karl didn't like it when I told him I felt better when Alf Upson was with me although nothing made me feel better than the drugs.

I have been told I'm like my dad and it makes me feel good. I believe I'm a good person and I have good friends and family. I'm not selfish and think of myself before others. But as I told Karl I guess I'm more like my dad than I even realized because like my dad I have disowned a brother.

That doesn't make me sad but the thought of losing my nieces does. I have said some mean things about their dad in an email that they will all see. They are all adults and can make the decision for themselves. I don't know if they have ever seen the bad traits in their dad or because like me when they are family you ignore it or maybe they have only seen a good side of Karl. I have been nothing but good to those girls. If they look back over the years they will know what I'm saying is true that I have been good to them. Or they can look at the recent happenings which all started over the medals and I have said or done stuff to them that I probably shouldn't have but that's what happens in stupid situations. Now they will have to make a choice and I'm not saying me or him and not saying right now but even if its a year or more down the road I'll be here for them because I will always love them.

Tara I wish you nothing but the best in your marriage to John and hope you both live a long and happy married life in your beautiful home in Muskoka !


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